The Hungarian need for conversation in elevators
As much as I enjoy the lack of physical activity that elevators afford me, the struggle that is elevator etiquette sort of makes up for it. Coming from a different culture, there are certain peculiarities about this culture that are baffling, one of them being the topic of this article.
Now, before you announce me anti-social, please, refer to this article by The New Yorker. I do not have problems conversing with strangers (I do), I have a problem with talking in the elevator, more specifically, talking to people you have never met in the elevator. We have never met, we will probably never meet again, I am late, you have places to be, you are on the second floor in the Dutch department, I am on the 4th floor in the English Department, we are not the same, so why is it necessary to exchange pleasantries and have an innate conversation about the weather? I am sorry, are we in Britain?
No, we are in Hungary, where we wear black (Shameless Plug) because we are morbid like the weather and hate being approached. So, why are elevators the focal point of all my scorn and all your conversations? I was not sure what the right elevator etiquette was, I wanted to be sure if I was right or not, I was, so I googled it (it’s been a slow week), and it states distinctly in this The New Yorker article, as well as in Part 2: Step 1 and 2 of the WikiHow page that you are only supposed to talk to people when they know you already, outside the elevator.
Read alsoWhy do Hungarians wear black during the colder months?
And I get it, a conversation is how you make friends, and we are all starved for intimacy, but this elevator exchange is not actually leading to friendships or even a loose acquaintance. That person you just met? You are probably never going to see them again, I am sorry, but they are lost forever.
So, the one time you met a hot person in the elevator that said hello to you, chances are, if they are Hungarian, they were just being nice and not at all interested.
Nice is good, nice is just peachy, but how do you distinguish between nice and genuine, especially since that elevator is so fast it literally lasts all of 5 seconds? Here is another reason for the boomers to dislike technology: we are not making “connections” in elevators anymore. It is funny, but as a non-native, these small things can be really confusing. I am not saying there is anything wrong with anything. Start a conversation, do not start a conversation, just do not put too much stress on it.
Ride it out. It is an elevator.
Read alsoTwice as many foreigners than Hungarians at the University of Veterinary Medicine
please make a donation here
Hot news
Top Hungary news: winter is here, Romania joins Schengen, American woman’s murder details – 23 November, 2024
Hungarian foreign minister outrages for US sanctions against Putin’s Gazprombank
Suleiman the Magnificent: The Great Sultan’s heart rediscovered in Hungary
The National Bank of Hungary cooperates with Chinese university
PHOTOS: Beloved Hungarian hotel in the picturesque Danube Bend reopens in five months
Attention, users! BudapestGO app renews in November, new features available
3 Comments
Dear Devika. Just talk to people. Its not dangerous. Its fun and has no harm. We socialize and talk because this is our biological way we evolved to learn about our environment and share experiences. The less talkative someone is the more selfish and unwilling to help by teaching and sharing thoughts or experiences. We are already getting less and less social and more robotic and digital so please don’t cheer for less communication opinions. Those seconds you get to see someone in an elevator and reading buddy language or spontaneousness is alot more i formative than a duck selfie you browse of someone on social media or dating sites. What if you just like someone in an elevator that you would randomly see later in a coffee or may be randomly step in the elevator with a random person who would later turn out to be your kid doctor or teacher. Wouldn’t you rather try to at least see if he/she is nice. I could come up with many more examples to how good it could be to share a couple of words in fast random conversation and can only think of so little bad or harmful ones. However if you are not mood or having a bad day then it still wouldn’t hurt to be nice to other people by sharing few words. But i think guess most people wouldn’t talk in an elevator in an proper time like in a psychiatric clinic or with people who are dressed up for ceremony. In such cases you are free to be rude and not reply if people are dum enough to hold a conversation in such situations.
Just talk to people! Smile, offer to punch the button for their floor. Comment about the elevator doors that always close on you! Say goodbye when you leave- in their language if you can. You never know how much a bit of conversation might be important to that person. And they won’t think you are a self-absorbed, disinterested foreigner. They will respond positively, I promise!
I’m starting to feel I don’t actually live in Hungary. Or we have totally different ideas about conversation. Saying a greeting or only a farewell when leaving is not conversation in my opinion. For my generation and my type of people, I can’t recall anyone going further. People who say a couple of words to the cashier or to each other in a shopping queue, will of course say a couple of words to each other, and it’s not considered rude. But it’s by no means a “need”. People like me, and probably also you, can manage just fine.