5+1 intoxicatingly funny pálinka jokes

Hungarians traditionally toast with pálinka when the clock strikes midnight on New Year’s Eve. Nothing sets the mood like a couple of shots of this famous Hungarian fruit brandy. If you want to liven up the night or get the approval of your Hungarian friends/in-laws, we get you covered with the funniest puns and jokes about pálinka. This collection is guaranteed to crack you up, regardless if you are sober or not. 

1. How can you tell the time with pálinka? If you jug down one shot every minute, then you can be sure a quarter-hour has passed by the time you get to the 15th glass.
2. An old Transylvanian farmer is being interviewed by a reporter. 
   • Uncle George, would you be so kind to walk us through your average day here in the village? 
   • Of course, my son. Well, I wake up in the morning. I have some bacon for breakfast and pour myself a couple of pálinka shots to come alive..
   • Hold on a sec, we can’t put this in print. It’s best if you say you read a couple of pages when you wake up. 
   • All right. So when I hear my stomach growling, I tumble out of bed and stumble to the kitchen to chew on some paprikash bacon while reading a couple of pages of my favourite book. Then I go to work in the fields. Around noon, I suddenly get a real thirst for wisdom, so I usually read a couple of pages again. I often get dizzy from all that newly acquired knowledge, so I take a nap. When I wake up, I shovel in a half loaf of bread with some sausages and red onions and head to the library to see my mates. Uncle Steve is usually there since morning. We read together until midnight when the library closes and then we pop by Jimmy’s because that old bastard even owns a printing house.
     
3. Two Hungarian guys among each other:
   • Dude, where is that dope beanie hat with the ear flaps you were rocking last time? 
   • I chucked it away. 
   • Too bad, I wanted to borrow it. Why did you bin it? 
   • You don’t want that hat bro. I had an accident the last time I was wearing it.
   • Huh? 
   • Yeah, take it from me. It’s cursed!
   • But what the hell happened?
   • Someone offered me a shot of plum pálinka and I didn’t hear it because of that damn hat covering my ears..

Read more: 10 funny Hungarian dos and don’ts for New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day

4. Two alcoholics decide to go camping. As they set out on the trip, one turns to the other:

• Yo, I brought a bottle of homemade pálinka in case we step on a rusty nail and need to disinfect the wound. What did you bring, bro? 
• Two rusty nails. 

5. Two flatmates have a discussion:

• Hey, I can’t find that bottle of homemade cherry pálinka we got from our next-door neighbour. Do you happen to know where it is?
• It’s all gone. I had to use it to disinfect a wound. It was kind of an emergency.
• But with 2 liters? 
• It was a deep emotional wound.

+1 A little boy is standing at the corner with his back leaning towards the traffic light pole. He is taking massive gulps from a bottle of pálinka. An old lady passes by and seeing the boy, she burst out, outraged. 

• For God’s sake, shouldn’t you be at school? 
• But Ma’am, I’m only 5!

Read more: Pálinka in Hungarian folk medicine