True stories: Dating as an expat in Hungary

The realities of dating as an expat are more complicated than they might seem at first. Probably, we all agree that dating abroad is like regular dating thrown into a pressure cooker, everything is accelerated and more intense. For better or worse, you will surely widen your mind in a way that few experiences can replicate. However, if you have been facing more lows than highs lately when it comes to your love life, we thought these 4 expat dating stories might give you the inspiration you need to keep pushing forward (or at least, give you the comfort of knowing that others have been struggling too).

Aleksandar (50) – Croatia

Aleksandar came to Hungary 29 years ago to pursue an advanced degree but eventually, he stayed and developed a career in advertising. As a straight bachelor, he prefers casual relationships at this point in his life. Although he uses online platforms such as Tinder, he is open to anything that brings joy and happiness when it comes to meeting new people. To the question of how he would describe Hungarians, he replied that it depended on the social context, but added that there was a certain level of social closeness and lack of spontaneous communication skills amongst locals. He would call it inwardness combined with suspiciousness. In his experience, Hungarians’ openness to dating foreigners follows political and social trends. Twenty to thirty years ago, they were more willing, while nowadays, the trend mainly follows the generally propagated attitude of media towards foreigners and the xenophobia that comes with it. He hasn’t experienced language issues given the business environment he is moving in. Also, whenever he ended up in a relationship, he found the friends and family of his partner predominantly accepting and supportive. Altogether, Aleksandar has a positive opinion of dating locals. He even shared a funny story of one of his first romantic encounters from ’93 when he arrived in Hungary: “English was really a rare occurrence in Hungary back in the days, but the willingness to meet foreigners was really high. I met a gorgeous girl who did not speak a word of English while my Hungarian was non-existent. We agreed on a dinner date, and she showed up with an English phrasebook. Eventually, the rest of the evening was fun as we went through the whole sets of hilarious phrases for different social occasions (especially since the book was an ’80s edition from socialist Hungary).”

Read more: Multicultural love stories about dating a Hungarian

Kristína (37) – Slovakia

Kristína came to Hungary 8 years ago for an internship but then she decided to stay and set up her own business. One thing that bothers the Slovakian national is that there are no strict rules on who pays, which always makes her a little anxious near the end of the date. She also noticed that Hungarian guys do not usually come up with date ideas – like going to the cinema or visiting an exhibition. Most times she just ends up taking city walks with her prospective love interests. After several failed attempts to strike up a relationship with locals, she feels more at ease with expats. To her, local people seem to go for flings with foreigners rather than long-term relationships unless the local in question has travelled more than twice outside of Hungary, or perhaps also lived abroad. Luckily, she finds Budapest a big international melting pot where it’s easy to integrate and meet other foreigners. However, even focusing on going out with expats can be challenging, since, as she put it, there are many “lost souls” who are only in Hungary because they have no other choice [Hungary is one of the few countries that offer working holiday visas for ages over 30 – the editor].

Based on her experience, Hungarian men don’t appreciate driven and educated women – especially if they have a Ph.D. and run their own businesses. She had a fair share of patronising comments from men, who told her that she was overconfident and that being career-oriented was not an attractive feature in this country. Interestingly enough, some of these men didn’t even own a degree and, on top of that, still lived under their mothers’ roofs. The few times, she met her exes’ families, she found them warm and caring, however, the language barrier hindered her to create a genuine bond with them. As many expats pointed out, people of the older generation hardly ever speak English here. She recalls one of her worst dates when the guy kept hinting at whether she thought of having a boobjob as his ex-girlfriend had one and the results were marvelous.

Bilaal (45) – United Kingdom

I came here from the UK for a quieter life 3 years ago. Dating is a struggle everywhere you go but it’s especially tough for LGBTQ+ folks. It took me some time to get familiar with the city’s local queer scene. I consider myself an introvert, but here you really have to put yourself out there. Unlike in some cities in the states, in Budapest, it’s pretty risky to strike up a conversation with a stranger and flirt openly as a gay man due to the prevailing homophobia in Easter Europe, in general. Like most people, I also have also turned to dating apps such as Tinder or Bumble eventually, to meet new people. I have also tried saunas and local baths.. I enjoy the anonymity, social environment, facilities, and ease of access these venues provide.

At this stage of my life, I’m looking for a meaningful, mature and respectful connection but it’s hard to find one when most gay men are only after sex in Budapest. Ghosting is quite prevalent. The men he has dated often did not seem honest, they were sort of calculating or planning to get something out of the relationship other than love. Unfortunately with younger men, he was often seen as someone well-off who could pay for all the dates. He doesn’t feel this is the norm with more mature men though.

He has the impression that white folks have more success in this country. Due to Bilaal’s origin, he thinks most people wanted to go out with him because he’s brown and ‘exotic’ as they would put it. In Bilaal’s opinion, the advantages of dating in Hungary are exploring another culture and getting an insight into the way local people view life. Talking about cultural differences is always a great icebreaker, he added.

Ariana (24) – Spain

Ariana has been studying in Budapest for 2 years. As a student, she finds it fairly easy to meet new people. She regularly attends university events, social gatherings, and she also goes out with friends on the weekends to Szimpla Kert and other clubs. She firmly pointed out that she didn’t search for guys on dating platforms as she found that slutty. She has hopes that the right man will come her way one day and ask her out. In her experience, local guys are very enthusiastic at the start and happy with the foreign vibe and fresh wind but all that fades away after a few months. Moreover, they have extremely different ideas on how fast relationships should evolve. Two guys she went on a date with tried to touch her inappropriately early and then stalked her for over 30 days, each time. She also feels that most guys are looking for something casual and prefer model-shaped girls. Personal characteristics and qualities are not that appreciated.

She adds that It’s hard to date locals because when she gets introduced to their friends, usually few of them speak proper English. Apart from the language barrier, the other disadvantages for the Spanish student are cultural differences, way of thinking, lack of openness, taste for food, socially accepted behaviours and personalities (dancing, being too talkative, too cheerful, etc).

She has many funny and awkward dating stories. Once a guy, who called their first date an introductory meeting, excused himself after half an hour saying he had meat in his fridge which was about to expire so he had to leave. Ariana even offered him money to buy fresh meat, but he was like ‘no no, it’s not about this’. Actually, it turned out that the meat story wasn’t just an evacuation plan as he wanted to see again the Spanish girl.

Read more: 3 Romantic one-day trip ideas in Hungary – PHOTOS