More than two years after returning to my country, some of the habits and traditions I picked up while living in Hungary remain part of my everyday life. From the time I have dinner to the way I communicate and celebrate certain occasions, these customs have followed me home, revealing how living in another place can continue to shape us long after we leave. 

Author: Fabiola Sosa Torras

Having dinner early 

Where I’m from, at the time when Hungarians would normally be having dinner, people are only just having something we call merienda, which is essentially like having breakfast in the afternoon, as people usually dine much later. I, personally, still have my evening meal before 7 pm, which is why my fellow Paraguayans tend to think I have some sort of undiagnosed mental issue. 

When they started noticing this “new practice I brought back with me”, they would ask me all sorts of questions, such as: “How is it possible that you don’t have merienda?”, “Aren’t you hungry later at night?”, or “You must be crazy to have dinner that early.” So basically, dining that early in Latin America is a sin equivalent to not drinking pálinka in Hungary on New Year’s Eve. 

Celebrating my name day 

When I discovered that name days are considered an important occasion, I was very excited to learn that, in addition to the day I was born, I would have a second date when people would give me small gifts and I might even have a celebration. Although I am aware that the two are not the same, I have always thought of it as something similar to having two birthdays in the same year. 

Nowadays, however, when 27 December comes around, my name day, I wake up knowing that the date is special to me, with the difference that no one in Paraguay understands what it means. Despite that, I do not feel comfortable letting the occasion pass unnoticed, so I still organise my own commemoration. 

I always buy some pastries, which I like to have with coffee or hot chocolate, and watch a true-crime documentary or a series I enjoy. I know, my ritual is nowhere near the level of celebration you might see, for example, on 20 August in Hungary, but it is my own way of preserving a tradition that I plan to keep for as long as I live. 

From the same author: The things I learned to appreciate about Hungary after leaving

Being brutally honest 

I have to be quite frank about this one. When I first moved there, I was taken aback by just how direct and honest people could be. Besides, at no point before that was I ever the stereotypical Latina who is always smiling, dancing and in a good mood. Despite that, once I got to know Hungarians, I realised that I was merely a beginner standing in front of a group of experts in the field. 

After so many years of training in a style of communication unsuitable for the sensitive or lovers of diplomacy, I returned to my hometown practically with a PhD in the subject. That was when I realised I had become something of a terror machine in that respect, since in my culture, openly expressing what you think without filtering it is generally frowned upon. 

Even though more than two years have passed since my return, I simply cannot meet people’s expectations of me in that respect and, deep in my heart, I have to admit that I do not care either, because I believe the Hungarian concept that anything fake should be avoided is still deeply ingrained in me. 

Not eating poultry or fish on New Year’s Eve 

My love for the taste of poultry and fish is great, but not great enough for me to dare to eat them during this celebration. It does not matter if they put the pinkest salmon on the table or the best stuffed chicken one could imagine. I simply will not allow myself to make a decision that could put me at risk of having my money fly away or end up in the river over the course of the new year. 

Although this superstition is not part of South American folklore, I am sure I would feel uneasy and worried if these foods found their way back onto my menu on that date. The people around me who know that I still follow this custom always make comments like, “But they’re so delicious,” or “You should forget about that because you don’t live in Hungary any more.” 

The question is: how does one forget and stop believing? I feel that becoming separated from a place that was once an important part of my life can be similar to losing a loved one. You try to make sure that everything connected to that person still has a place in your new reality because preserving their memory, regardless of location, brings comfort in knowing that there will always be something keeping you connected to it.

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